As usual, Sophie has been keeping us busy with all the things a not-quite-one-year-old goes through. Our schedule has changed so many times that I can’t even remember all of the iterations. The most difficult change happened last weekend at 1 am:

Sophie was nestled all snug in her bed,
While visions of Cheerios danced in her head;
With Kelly in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long night’s nap.

When out of Sophie’s room there arose such a clatter,
We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Were her diapers all soiled; did a rash need some gel?
Nope, nothing was wrong, she’d just learned how to yell.

We also installed a new storm door last Saturday giving our front door the equivalent sealing power of a zip-loc double zipper bag. (Designed with you in mind.) Honestly, attempting to close the two doors with any force feels as if you will shatter the glass. Personally, I like to think of it as an airlock like you see in sci-fi movies. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to relive any dramatic decontamination scenes due to my body greatly exceeding the two inch space between the doors. But adding that to our door and window improvements helps to keep out the road noise.

In other thoughts, I have been working to become more creative. Having a job doing creative work is very taxing and easily sucks away all of my creative juices. Taking the time to recharge is a must and I’m taking my time management a lot more seriously because of it. As many of you know, I have started a webcomic called “Bots” that I update weekly. www.tarobot.com/botsThis takes up a tremendous amount of energy but I don’t think I’ve enjoyed something this much since college. In order to keep myself going, I’ve had to make some resolutions about how I spend my time. So far, I only have 2 big time-sucks but I’m sure many more are lurking. Just thought I’d share:

I will no longer join Facebook apps that are not real games.
I don’t care how you spend your time online but I have wasted far too much of my own clicking boxes surrounded by advertising in order to make a number change. “Congratulations! You are now a level 2.”
I believe slot machines to be the lowest form of “entertainment” mankind has ever created. They require no skill, discourage interaction with other humans and turn people into greedy zombies pulling levers to see more sparkly things. I am finding the vast majority of Facebook apps are pretty much empty slot machines with ads all over them. I’m sure your favorite app isn’t like this but the ones I’m deleting are.

Once the Olympics are concluded, I will not make time to watch TV.
Having to repeatedly watch the same 20 ads during the Olympics made me realize how little I’ve been missing on TV. I also realized that I want to see Alltel’s wizard use a +5 Magic Fire spell on that “Chad” guy so I never have to see him again.
I love good TV and I wish I had more time to enjoy the shows my friends tell me about but there just isn’t time. I’m not boycotting TV, just refusing to spend time on it when I can be creating things or spending time with actual people who care about me.

We’re obviously excited that she can perform this new acrobatic feat but we are also saddened because it marks the end of being able to leave her in one place. No more quick diaper refilling while she’s on the changing table. No more running to the other room to grab the phone. I was watching her while making coffee (step by step) and by the time I was finished, she was halfway across the living room floor with a proud smile on her face. Time to start thinking about what needs to be put away as more mobility is sure to follow.

 
Meanwhile, on the TV…
 

Kelly and I have been able to fit in some movie watching thanks to our AppleTV. Without the near instant movie rentals it provides, we wouldn’t be able to fit anything but bad tv shows between the time we put Sophie down and Kelly goes to bed.
Well, the other night we rented the 2007 Beowulf movie. This is another one of the recent crop of 3D animated movies featuring extremely realistic faces that cause Hollywood reporters to turn into Chicken Little. “Actors will be replaced with computers! The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”

It is a beautiful movie with many moments where you forgot that what you were watching wasn’t real, however, the plot was not so realistically rendered. The script writers really wanted to make something of substance but fell short. I guess it didn’t help that I had watched Blade Runner the night before. Blade Runner is a film that is full of such uncompromising excellence, a proper review would required me writing it in City-Speak. (Those of you who understood that last sentence should read it as an invitation to meet me at a nearby coffee shop for hours of intellectual yet geeky discourse.)

Beowulf was, for its time, an extraordinarily thorough collection of oral histories recanting the epic adventures of an Anglo-Saxon super-hero. On the contrary, the 2007 Beowulf film is just a big budget retelling of a fight between noisy neighbors who settle their differences by fighting and sleeping with each other. Grendel, who is supposed to be a physically overwhelming and frightening monster, is reduced to a cross between Resident Evil’s “Nemesis” and “Corky” from Life Goes On, Grendel’s mother is pretty much Angelina Jolie in gold paint, and Beowulf goes from olden-times super hero to flawed-for-no-reason braggart.
I won’t bore you with any more details but, just in case you were still interested in seeing this film, I thought I would end with a list of alternate movie titles.

Unofficial Beowulf Alternate Movie Titles

• Beowulf: Tis no Polar Express
• Beowulf: The biggest video game cut-scene since Final Fantasy
• Beowulf: Look who’s sleeping with Grendel’s mother now!
• Beowulf: The village common sense forgot.
• Beowulf: The block-party that just won’t stop!
• Beowulf: Yeah, our animators imagine Angelina Jolie naked too.
• Beowulf: Who’s left to keep repopulating this place?
• Beowulf: The hair that wouldn’t move

Just in case they decide to remove the reviews, here are some of my favorites:

Expensive, but worth it
Whilst this may cost more than a piece of pointy charcoal, I think the extra cost is justified.

Excellent pen! Some issues…
Upon receiving my order, I carefully opened the box and dug through the packing peanuts in order to get to the pen contained therein. ‘Beautiful!’, I thought, and promptly opened up my moleskine notebook to jot down to myself some notes. My previous pen had ran out of ink four weeks prior and I didn’t want to splurge on expensive shipping, which meant I had a lot of notes to catch up on writing.

But, when that quality carbide ball touched the surface of the paper, it was not ink that came out. From a distance I heard the screams of men and the cackling of innumerable ravens. I stopped, cold and sweating profusely. I looked down at the Bic Crystal black medium ballpoint pen which I held in my hand, only to see darkness. I dashed it against the wall, recoiling in horror. I saw in the corner of my eye my faithful notebook, which now lay on the ground. Once unmarred, I saw now the small mark which I had made with the devil’s own pen. It spread across the page like a plague, and looking at it I gazed upon true horrors. For, what I thought had been ink was in fact a portal to a dark, unforgiving dimension. A portal whose maw was now widening to engulf all hope and joy in the world.

‘God, what have I done?’ I exclaimed as I weeped and fell to my knees, ‘What have I done?’

From beyond the Dark Gate I heard these words, words which I can never forget. A terrible, booming voice said to me, ‘Ia! Ia! Cthulhu Fthagn!’

I ran, blindly stumbling, away from that place and never looked back. My only hope is that none shall follow in the path I’ve walked down, too blinded by hubris to realize my follies.

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*NOT* USB 2.0 compliant!!!
Warning: This pen is NOT USB 2.0 compliant. Therefore data transfer speeds will be limited to your writing speed. On the plus side, I believe this model is suitable for emergency tracheotomies (as per that episode of M*A*S*H way back when).

A Wonderful Christmas Gift
recieved this pen last Christmas from one of my many lovers. I shall never forget that fortuituous occasion when i tentatively unwrapped the gleaming crystal tube from it’s satin cocoon. It emerged, beautiful and unsullied like a rare butterfly from it’s long, yet rewarding pupae state.
My face, stained with tears of joy, was unable to convey the true joy that i felt in my heart. The word ‘Bic’ exquisitely etched onto the side of the pen seemed like an endorsement from the Lord in Heaven Himself.
Two days passed and i had not been able to bring myself to write with this perfect implement of bards. What words could i possibly attempt to record with this artefact? Nothing that came to mind could do justice to this wonderous tool’s virginal state. Sweat poured from my brow as i wrestled with the anguish which tossed and turned in my head like some kind of mad beast. Should i indeed use this pen at all? Maybe i should put it away somewhere safe, never to be sullied by human hands again? But then, i thought, this pen was MADE, no, CRAFTED to be used. Surely it would be a crime against God not to employ it to it’s intended practise?
Finally i knew, finally i felt peace as i took Biro between my thumb and forefinger and applied it to the scrap of paper i had prepared on the desk. No more afraid, i wrote the words “Semi-skimmed milk and a packet of Monster Munch. Pay Gas Bill”. Exhausted, i collapsed back into my chair, spent yet satisfied. The pen itself seemed to thank me as i laid it to rest on top of the microwave.