Sophie's Blog

In college, I was required to read a now famous book about change titled Who Moved My Cheese? by Dr. Spencer Johnson. I didn’t think much about it at the time but, for obvious reasons, it has been playing in the back of my mind ever since Sophie arived. You can read the synopsis on Wikipedia. It’s about as long as the book.
I mention this as an explanation for why I haven’t written to this blog recently. I am still finding my cheese and have yet to experience anything resembling a routine. It got so bad recently that last night I dreamed I was trying to stop playing video games in my dreams so that I could get some sleep. Even my own mind is against me.

This time of year is famous for lists so I now present to you:
Top Six Things A New Father Has Learned

1. Babies are like The Matrix.
   No one can be told what the baby is. You have to see it for yourself.
2. Babies are nothing but change.
   Think a baby will bring some change to your life? Buckle up! No matter how much you try to prepare for a baby, you can’t. Kelly and I thought we had some great experience under our belt with all of the time spent with our godchild. Not even close.
3. Babies are like wisdom tooth stories: No matter what, someone has always had it more difficult than you.
   I never knew that raising a child could be so competitive. No matter how innocent your anticdote, someone will usually go out of their way to top whatever you just shared. Think your wife had a rough birth? Wait until you hear from the woman who had 8 kids that came out in pairs in the back of a moving taxi on a bumpy road during a blizzard. Feel overwhelmed with all the change in your life? Lookout! Here come the ladies who’ve had twins/quadruplets/sextuplets/octuplets to shame you with tales of endless sleeplessness, repeated bodily infections, and more.
4. If babies weren’t cute, you’d throw them in a river.
   Scientists have found that the physical attributes of babies trigger strong and subliminal emotions deep inside of us that elicit a response to care for them. Babies are cute for very serious reasons of survival. This is why you still want to cuddle them after a solid hour of screaming for no good reason.
   “You’ve eaten! Your diaper is clean! You’ve sat in every chair/swing/position I can think of! Why won’t you go to sleep?! Dear sweet Jesus, please make my baby just GO TO SLEE* Oh, honey look. She’s smiling. Awwww.”
5. The car is a great sleep aid.
   The Volkswagen commercial where the dad is putting his kid to sleep by driving around the block is much more than clever marketing.
6. Starbucks coffee is worth the yuppy tax.
   When your wife finally gets her limited driving privileges, few errands are worth the trouble like a Starbucks run. She gets out to do something normal. She gets time away from baby. You both get coffee in the end. Win-win.

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